Verity* leant back in her chair, her eyes flicking between her inbox and the clock on her phone. The third email this month from Jamie*, her most talented, if somewhat temperamental, software developer, pinged its way to the top of her inbox. *Subject: Mental Health Day Needed.* 

It was 10:30AM on Monday morning. She sighed, instantly mentally rearranging her day around yet another sudden absence. The knot of anxiety tightened in her stomach as she thought about the looming project deadlines and how she’d have to use Peter to pay Paul. How could she balance her genuine concern for Jamie’s wellbeing with the mounting pressure of work that still had to be done?  She couldn’t help the thought flashing through her mind, was she being empathetic or was she being played?

Welcome to the modern workplace, where mental health has not only left the shadows but taken a front seat in company policies and the challenging balance of team dynamics. Mental health days, once a rare and utterly taboo request, have become as common as sick days in some companies. And whilst this shift reflects a positive evolution in how we understand and address mental health, it also presents new challenges that we’ve not considered properly, particularly for managers and leadership who must navigate the thin line between empathy and in some cases, exploitation.

Are Mental Health Days A New Norm?

The rise of the mental health day is more than just a trend, it’s a categorical positive reflection of a broader cultural shift towards valuing mental wellness. As burnout, anxiety and depression rates have soared, particularly in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, companies have responded proactively by promoting mental health days as a legitimate form of self-care. Research from the American Psychological Association shows that these days off can significantly reduce stress and prevent burnout, improving overall productivity in the long run. Great news!

But as with any good thing, the mental health day has started to be stretched, bent, and, in some cases, misused.

Take Sam*, a mid-level marketing lead at a tech firm, who after a gruelling, pressure-cooker product launch found herself totally burnt out. She took a mental health day, with her boss’s full support. But soon, one day became two, and two became three. As Sam’s absences piled up, so did the unfinished work on her desk. Who had to pick up the slack? Her team, and they began to feel the strain. A few members started to grumble privately, was Sam genuinely struggling, or was she taking advantage of the company’s progressive policies? Where was the line for the company to progress their support or escalate their concern to professional services?

This scenario is increasingly common. A study by the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD) found that while 76% of employees feel supported by their companies when it comes to mental health, nearly half of managers admit to being unsure how to handle requests for mental health days. The dilemma for managers is clear; how do you honour the importance of mental health without opening the door to potential exploitation? And when you open the door, how do you plan for Pandora’s box?

The Empathy Trap

For managers like Verity, the empathy trap is a very real, and very personal, challenge. We live in an age where social awareness is at an all-time high and corporate cultures are increasingly measured by their emotional intelligence (EQ), questioning an employee’s mental health needs can feel perilously close to crossing an ethical line… 

But the stakes are incredibly high. For a start, consider the financial implications; research from Gallup found that absenteeism related to mental health costs companies billions of dollars annually, in lost productivity. If mental health days are used strategically, perhaps more for convenience than necessity, the ripple effect could be significant.

Managers and leadership are left in a precarious position. On one hand, there’s the risk of being perceived as insensitive or out of touch if they push back on an employee’s request for a mental health day. Perhaps they feel forced to bend the knee even if they spot patterns that concern them. On the other hand, there’s the very real concern that some employees might be using these days as a way to “dodge” responsibilities, placing unfair burdens on their colleagues, and by not acting they’re letting entire teams down. 

Self-Care or Self-Sabotage?

It’s important to acknowledge that not all mental health day requests are dubious. In fact, many employees genuinely need these breaks to maintain their wellbeing. I’ve had burnout. Time out was a cure. The issue arises when the boundaries between genuine need and opportunism blur.

Verity’s dilemma with Jamie is illustrative. On paper, Jamie was an ideal employee; smart, efficient and creative. But lately, his frequent mental health day requests had begun to negatively affect team morale. Other team members were picking up his workload more frequently and resentment was building, rapidly. Rachel found herself walking a tightrope, how could she be supportive of Jamie’s mental health whilst also ensuring the rest of her team didn’t feel overburdened?

And this is not an isolated case. Across various industries, managers are grappling with similar scenarios. The very policies designed to support employees are, in some cases, leading to unintended negative trends and consequences. The challenge lies in distinguishing between self-care that is necessary and valid, and need efficiently designed escalation protocols, and in the worst case, patterns of behaviour that veer towards self-sabotage, where employees inadvertently harm their own standing within the team by over-relying on these days off.

Navigating the Tightrope

So, how might managers like Verity navigate this new landscape?

One approach is fostering a culture of open dialogue. This means creating an environment where mental health can be discussed openly, without fear of judgement, but with clear expectations about responsibility and impact. When Verity decided to sit down with Jamie for a candid conversation, she approached it not as a disciplinary action but as an opportunity to understand his needs and development, to work together on a solution.

They established a system: Jamie could continue to take mental health days, but they would be followed up with a check-in to discuss how he was feeling and what could be done to prevent future stress. This not only helped Jamie feel supported but also reassured the rest of the team that there was a plan in place. 

Research supports this approach. A study from the University of California, Berkeley, found that employees who feel genuinely supported by their line managers in managing mental health are more productive and less likely to misuse flexible policies. By fostering an environment of trust and communication, managers can help prevent the misuse of mental health days while still honouring their importance.

Setting Boundaries

However, open dialogue alone isn’t always enough. There also needs to be a framework within which these conversations take place, a set of boundaries that protect both the employee’s mental health and the team’s overall productivity.

This might mean setting limits on the number of mental health days that can be taken consecutively, or implementing a policy where employees must provide a brief explanation (without disclosing personal details), about why they need the day off and what support they might need moving forward. It’s a delicate balance between respecting privacy and maintaining realistic accountability.

It’s also worth considering the role of company culture in shaping how mental health days are perceived and used. If a company truly values mental health, it will invest in more than just time off, it will provide resources like counselling services, stress management workshops, and regular check-ins that make taking a mental health day a last resort, rather than a first response.

The Role of Leadership

Ultimately, the key to navigating the empathy trap lies in leadership. Managers who model balanced behaviour, who take care of their own mental health while also maintaining a strong work ethic, set the tone for their teams.

In Verity’s case, she realised that part of the problem stemmed from her own uncertainty about how to manage mental health within her team. By seeking out training and resources, she equipped herself with the tools to lead more effectively. She also made a point of being transparent about her own challenges, showing her team that it’s possible to care for one’s mental health without letting it become an excuse for poor performance.

What’s The Road Ahead?

As the conversation around mental health continues to evolve, so too will the challenges and opportunities it presents in the workplace. The empathy trap is real, but it’s not insurmountable. By fostering a culture of open dialogue, setting clear boundaries, and leading by example, managers can navigate this complex landscape with both compassion and clarity.

Verity’s story, like many others, is still unfolding. But by embracing the nuances of mental health in the workplace, she’s not just surviving the empathy trap, she’s learning to thrive within it. And as more managers and employees alike learn to strike that delicate balance, we’ll move closer to workplaces where mental health is respected, supported, and most importantly, used in a way that uplifts rather than undermines the collective success of the team.

In the end, the challenge isn’t about being less empathetic; it’s about being more strategic in how we apply empathy in the workplace. Because if we can master that, we won’t just avoid the trap, we’ll turn it into a bridge that connects understanding with accountability, creating a stronger, more resilient workforce for the future.